Not so long ago, having some basic knowledge about hardware and being able to master one or two programming languages was more than enough to get you hired.
Nowadays, you don’t need to know anything about hardware, very little about actual programming, but you’ll need to take some pretty odd courses to even have a fighting chance.
So, hoping that I can lay a helping hand to all aspiring programmers, I have laid out some of the most basic abilities you’ll need to acquire to become a competent software developer:
- Meteorology is a must if you want to know anything about clouds.
- You’ll need to take some classes in geology if you want to be able to work with rubies.
Becoming a locomotive engineer may also help in this area, somehow.
- Herpetology will come in handy if you expect to know anything about pythons.
- Make sure you take some risk management classes so that you can learn to avoid Indonesian islands. Remember, the oracle is an evil one and he ate the sun. That bastard!
- For some reason, ask a lot of questions to a guy named Jay.
- Somehow, learning macramé will teach you how to network your apps. Jay’s son will help.
- Learn to surf and then join the Association of Surfing Professionals.
- Join the Parents Helping Parents group, in case your employer doesn’t like the Institute of Ismaili Studies and prefers Native Americans.
Also, don’t trust monkeys! They are double agents, personally trained by an evil guy named Icaza.
- A couple of courses about pomology might come in handy, in case your employer suffers from an irrational attachment to apples.
If that’d be the case, make sure you’re as objective as possible, constantly express your hatred towards all types of windows and start all your sentences with the letter i.
- But don’t lose focus; apples are important but they rot, the future is in robots with weird sugary names.
Oh, and remember, squares are bad, very bad… they look like small windows, so always keep everything rounded.
- Regardless of what your favorite math teacher taught you, always remember that three is more than 360 and that one is more than four. Or the other way around? This one is a touchy one, or three, or four, or… argh! just don’t get into gaming!
- Finally, when you have nothing to do, take some courses in ornithology. Trust me, penguins are “in” and this is their year!
Well, that’s about it.
I know it sounds ridiculous that you would need to learn about so many disciplines to even have a shot at getting hired, but technology evolves, idiots make idiotic decisions, unnecessary technologies become standards and innovation gets dictated by what clueless users want.
Welcome to the 21st century my fellow developer!